I Touch Myself
by R. R. Grokesyn
Summary: Hermione's well aware of the scientific method's importance to drawing conclusions, but there are some situations were controlled experiments don't fit – at least didn't, until now.


It all started as a controlled experiment – after all, she did need to check the hypothesis that she was into her female best friend. The thought was scaring the hell out of her since their summer and had been the underlying cause of the big fight with the redhead before Christmas break, the one that made her stay at school while all her friends gathered at the Burrow.

Truth to be told, she spent almost three months thinking about how to do the said experiment. She couldn't possibly tell people, what would they think of her? And what if she was wrong, she would have gone through all the awkward situations for nothing? And what if Ginny took it badly, would that be the end of the friendship?

So one day, in her hundredth analysis of the problem, she admitted defeat – it couldn't be done, unfortunately she had to risk something. She leaned on her chair and decided to finish the potions essay, on her old friend, the Polyjuice Potion. When writing, she briefly thought about asking for someone to pretend to be Ginny, just so she wouldn't need to tell the real Ginny, but who? No one would agree to such craziness! Imagine that: "Harry, I need you to take this potion so you can pretend to be Ginny, we'd snog a bit and I can finally figure out if I fancy her" – it definitely hasn't got a ring to it.

She tried concentrating on her essay and fairly succeeded, being able to write a very presentable draft. When she was about to review it, a person popped into the room.

"Merlin, you scared me!", the copy of herself who just appeared chuckled.

"Sorry! I just need to do the Charms essay, otherwise I'll get to bed very late and won't look fresh tomorrow", her future self stated matter-of-factly, "Or should I say we?", that made past Hermione laugh.

"I'm glad to have help, two people work better than one", the gears turned in her head, "that's it!"

"What?"

"We're two people! I can ask you to have the Polyjuice, so you'll look like Ginny and I can finally figure it out!"

"Wait, what about me? Sorry, I think you're pretty, but I don't want to make out with myself, that would be truly awkward"

"Well, I can drink a dose too, then you'd get your Ginny", she winked.

"But what if someone catches us? Even in here, we're not safe, Ginny has the password and it'd be just plain weird to change it out of the blue"

"I guess you're right, that's dangerous... maybe when we go to the Christmas party at my parents' house – I have a lock and people wouldn't apparate there"

"Yes, that does it. Hermione Granger, you are so smart"

"Why, thank you", she smiled and both went back to their papers.

The plan seemed perfect – the fight one week ago made things even easier: the castle would be surely empty until January and that meant no chance of Ginny barging in.

However, she wasn't counting on her human condition to betray her and develop an addiction for it. It made her feel terribly guilty, yet she couldn't resist: for the fourth day in a row, she gave her golden time-turner a single turn.

"So you finally decide it to do it. Again", her past self looked unimpressed.

"Yes", she sighed, "Don't look at me like that, it's not like you can judge me!"

"I can't, really, I made the bloody decision, didn't I?"

"We did", she picked two vials from her collection, "well, I'm itching to do it since I woke up", the other girl smiled weakly, "and it's not like we're hurting anyone, right?"

"Yes, you got a point, but you have to agree we already arrived at our conclusion. We should stop, Hermione"

"I know, I know, but I can't help it! I want it, badly, and you know there's no other way to have that", her past pursed her lips, "no other way besides risking it all...", she looked down.

"I guess you're right, just once more couldn't do lots of damage, could it?"

"That's the spirit!", she smiled widely and handed the vial to the other.

"Cheers", that was followed by chuckles by both girls. They drank their vials in a gulp, "And you'd think we'd get used to the taste someday", she stated, making a face.

"The transformation doesn't feel better, either"

"I have to confess it was terribly worth it, though, you look deadly hot", she said with a wink, caressing the now ginger hair.

"So do you", she leaned in to kiss the girl.

"Not so fast, darling – safety first!"

"Oh, you're no fun! There isn't a single person in the tower!", her past version whined, earning an impatient glare, "Ok, ok, _Muffliato!_"

"That's much better", and the girl pushed the other into bed, while in a very passionate lip lock.

It didn't take a long time for both girls to be out of their clothing and in a very sweaty tangle in the bed.

"Oh, my, you are so good!", she exhaled with her last forces.

"Only for you, my beautiful", and she kissed the other girl chastely on the lips, lovesick grin plastered on her face.

"What the fuck is going on here?", both girls froze when their eyes fell on the original Ginevra Weasley, in utter shock, facing both copies of her naked in Hermione's bed. Ok, so that's a tricky situation: how do you react when you can't speak (unless you want your voice to give you away) or pick your wand (she'd recognize it), and have at most ten minutes to return to your true form?

In desperation, one of the girls wrapped herself in a blanket and approached Ginny, who promptly grabbed her wand, turning her full attention to the copy right in front of her.

"Who the bloody hell are you?", when the girl opened her mouth, Ginny's body was knocked down unconscious.

"What the fuck!"

"I'm preventing you from doing something stupid! Do you really want to tell her the truth like that?"

"No, I don't, but I didn't see other way"

"Well, that's what your past version's for!", the girl said proudly.

"Am I that full of myself?", the girl standing asked, earning an eye roll from the other.

"That's not important now, what should we do about Ginny?"

"Yes, right, about that... we can't tell her the truth"

"So we lie?"

"No!"

"Then what? She wants an explanation, for Merlin's sake!"

"_Obliviate?_"

"I don't know, I would feel terrible, doing it to her... but then again, I'd feel terrible just for hiding the truth from her"

"It's really disturbing indeed... after all, that feeling that got us into this experimentation thing on the first place"

"Yes, I remember", she sighed, "we tell her the truth, then?"

"I guess so"

"Alright, good luck to you, I figure you'll need it", she earned a smirk for that.

After a few minute, the copy merged into her, the Polyjuice worn off and she was back to being Hermione Granger, the one and only.

"Well, here goes nothing: _Rennervate_!", the word made Ginny jump to her feet.

"Hermione! What are you doing here?"

"Ginny, it's my room", she stated calmly.

"But you weren't here before! There were two..." and she trailed off as she realized how absurd she'd sound to her rational best friend, "never mind, it was just a weird hallucination", she frowned.

"Two people that looked like you having sex in the bed", Ginny's eyes widen.

"When did you become a Legilimens and did not tell me?"

"I didn't. Take a seat", and she motioned her wand to the chair, leading it to crash with Ginny's legs and making her fall seated on it.

"So, how do I begin? Oh, yes! I'm sorry, Gin, but I need you to just listen for a while, so: _Silencio_", Hermione sighed and summoned her last drop of Gryffindor courage, "During the semester, I became really confused on my feelings for you – I started realizing I like you more than a friend and I couldn't bear the doubt anymore, so I made a plan to figure out what I felt about you", since she was unable to speak, Ginny only raised her brow. She then proceeded to explain the plan in details, trying not to be shaken by Ginny's expression of shock and confusion.

"That was it. _Finite_", even though she was free of the silencing spell, Ginny stared at the wall for a few minutes, making Hermione break into cold sweat.

"Wow!"

"Really? You stay silent for a bloody eternity and all you have to finally say is 'wow'?", she blurted nervously, "and why are you here, aren't you supposed to be with your family?"

"I'll answer your question, but only if you answer one for me too. I missed you and wanted to patch things up", she looked into the brunette's eyes firmly. Hermione looked guilty, as she was about to cry, but she held it.

"And your question is...", she mustered. Ginny chuckled and grinned to the older girl, leaving her a tad more comfortable.

"Good Merlin, Hermione, why couldn't you just ask me out like a normal person?"

"Because I wasn't so sure, I mean, I was pretty sure, but... wait, aren't you mad?"

"Do I look mad to you?"

"No"

"And now?", the redhead, trying to imitate a dog baring his teeth, making her cute nose wrinkle. Hermione laughed whole-heartedly and sighed in relief.

"You're such a dork!"

"Right", and, in a typical Ginny fashion, the girl got up and kissed Hermione, "but I'm a dork you can't get enough apparently, since you needed two", Hermione bit her lip charmingly.

"I can't argue with that flawless logic", and leaned in to kiss the redhead once more.

"You two are so cute!", hearing herself made Ginny pull away instantly.

"Sorry to interrupt, but you wondered how the time-turner worked", Hermione's future version stated.

"Thanks!", Ginny grinned, but when scanning the figure, frowned "your hair is a mess", that made future Hermione exchange looks with Ginny's future version and both giggled.

"We'll leave you to yourselves so you can find out why", Ginny smirked, grabbing Hermione's hand and taking her out of the room.

"You naughty girl"

"You have no idea... but allow me to demonstrate"

* * *

><p>This story was the most crazy idea one of my friends challenged me to write – I loved it since the beginning, when he said it would be awesome to have a story HermioneHermione. Well, challenge accepted! I just had to figure out what plausible situation could Hermione be with herself and the idea went wild in my mind, I'm quite proud of the result. Oh, and I put parody because, really, you can't take this story too serious! So, let me know what you guys think, if you want more crazy as hell stories like this one or if I better stick to Samantha and a centered plot, with lots of things happening.

Cheers! (heh)


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